• Home
  • About Us
  • Work With Us
  • Social Media News
  • Privacy & Terms
  • Thunderbolt Social Media
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Dangerous Cupcake Lifestyle

  • Entertainment
  • Travel
  • Food & Wine
    • Wine
    • Cupcakes
  • Disney & Marvel
    • Disney
    • Marvel
  • Crafts, Cars & Cool Things
    • Crafts
    • Cars
    • Dogs
    • Cool Things
    • Technology
  • Home & Life
You are here: Home / Autism / Helping Yourself and Others Handle Teens With Autism

Helping Yourself and Others Handle Teens With Autism

January 25, 2016 By Donna Biroczky Leave a Comment

Tweet
Share13
Pin
13 Shares

Our son was barely four years old when he was officially diagnosed with autism. It was heartbreaking and scary and overwhelming, despite having known for a few months that it was a strong possibility. (I wrote about my story here.) The diagnosis process in many states, particularly California, can be long and convoluted and take far too long, losing valuable treatment time.

During those lost months of waiting for the diagnosis process, we dealt with his head-banging, self-injurious behavior and massive meltdowns caused by anything from a buzzing overhead light in the store to rain on the roof of the house to us bumping his row of cars out of perfect alignment. It was pretty bad, and we spent the next several years with therapists, specialists, doctors and other service providers trying to get through and spark some improvement and clarity.

During those times, you can’t think about years in advance – you think about one day at a time, but you still have to plan long-term. You choose where to live so you have the best schools. You pick your insurance so the best doctors and services are in-network. You craft your job around their needs so you’re available to attend school meetings and get them back and forth to appointments, now and as they get older. You think about what you can teach them, and how to do it, so they are successful in middle school, then high school, and yes, college and jobs. Life can almost revolve around it, which is tough on the family as a whole but you really have no choice.

Then the future you thought about way back then is finally here. You’ve done everything right and your child is still the amazing tiny human, but bigger and better and facing new challenges, many of them the same that everyone else faces. It’s all good, right? Except it’s not. Autism isn’t curable and there are new challenges that they’ll face that are unique to kids and teens with autism. You can’t make it go away. You can modify the diet and engineer the proper atmosphere and minimize problems in a litany of ways, but you know that the best you can hope for is that the therapies have helped him learn to regulate and handle things better, to ignore the humming light, tolerate the rain and not freak when someone bumps into him. With autism, you can heal some of the medical issues that commonly affect those with autism, and you can teach them skills that don’t come as naturally to them as they do other people, but you don’t make autism go away. It’s there – either right under the surface or heavily buried, but it’s there and can show itself depending on things entirely out of your control.

As we go through high school with Little Dude, we know we’re going to hit bumps in the road…but knowing that doesn’t make them any easier. You want your children to be happy and successful, in whatever way that works for them, but getting them there isn’t a static process. A few weeks go by and things look better, but then suddenly he comes home from school miserable and upset. Some days you respond in a way that mitigates the problem; other days, like today, you’re at a loss for words. You have no answers. Worse yet, even the advice that you’ve got isn’t being accepted. You may even hear that you’re doing a poor job of helping him. Ouch. You brush it off knowing that the reaction is a part of autism, but that’s still no excuse. You can’t let them think treating people badly is a proper reaction to a problem, big or small, so you have to address…which just compounds the original problem.

People used to tell me that it gets easier, that being a parent was somehow less stressful or exhausting as they got older. On one hand, totally right. On another, not so much. The problems just get bigger and you can no longer tell them what they should do. They become their own people so quickly, and special needs don’t change that.

As a parent of a special needs teen, I don’t have any real answers, but here are a few things that have helped me and may help others help teens with autism.

  • Talk to your spouse or someone close. You have to have someone to converse with that’s not negative and complaining or you’ll go nuts. Trust me on this. Finding people that understand what you’re going through isn’t always easy; too many people want to give you advice and play therapist instead of just listening. If I had a dollar for every time I tried to talk with someone and they tried to compare it to their non-special needs child situation or turn it into a conversation about them, I’d have so much money I could hire a full-time staff.
  • Get out of the house and get your mind off the situation, even for small bits of time. A trip to Starbucks is a Godsend.
  • Have a glass of wine. It’s okay to do what you can to relax in the absence of being able to take a break.
  • Admit that you don’t have the answers and tell your child that you are doing your best but you don’t really know what to do just yet. Ask them for what they think will work, or do what I did tonight: ask him to decide what battles absolutely had to be solved, and what ones didn’t, because those were the ones he’d need to learn to suck up or walk away from, without resolution. We can’t fix everything.
  • I repeat: we can’t fix everything. Acknowledge that and stop trying. Sometimes it’s a matter of fixing the worst and hoping the results of that makes the rest more tolerable.
  • Find a hobby or outlet that makes you happy. Design a website. Create a blog. Read a book. Binge watch Netflix…all after the kid is in school or in bed at night, of course, but do it. Indulge yourself; at some point, the child really will be more out on his own or at least out of the house more and you’ll need interests to take up all that spare time.

If you’re the friend or family member of a parent of a teen with autism or other special needs, here are a few ways you can help:

  • Don’t compare your situation with theirs. Raising your ‘normal’ child isn’t the same. Being a grandparent of a child with special needs isn’t the same. If you don’t have any children at all, your dogs do not compare to their child. (And I’m saying that as a dog lady.)
  • Just listen. Try not to come up with your response while they’re still talking. Really hear them. It may be the only time that day someone did, because the kid sure isn’t, and we frequently don’t get out as much as we’d like.
  • Keep the “If I were you, I’d…” comments to yourself, especially if they involve spanking, timeouts or taking away something the child really values. If those things worked, our kids wouldn’t be autistic anymore.
  • Offer to help. Maybe they need someone to go to an IEP meeting with, or to pick up the kid from school one day so they can vent to someone else before they get home to mom or dad. That doesn’t mean you’re responsible for fixing things, but you can at least nod and listen before you boot them out of the car. Going to the movies? Take the child with you. I’ve had so many offers of that throughout the years and rarely do people follow-through, so don’t just make a false promise or give someone lip service to make them feel better. Truly pick up the kid and take him out. You may find you actually enjoy getting to know him more.
  • Don’t let one bad day…or even a few…scare you off. These kids are just as amazing as any other kids, whether they’re boy or girl, and they need friends. Mingle them with your own. It’s not just helping your friend/family member, but you’re teaching your own kids to be kind and include those that are different. We could all use some of that.

Autism isn’t a defect and teens with autism aren’t ‘less,’ they are just different. (Thank Temple Grandin and her mother for pointing that out. Read more about that here.) There are many times I think they are more ‘normal’ than we are, and many of their traits are gifts…but autism can be deadly so it’s still something no one wants for their kid(s). Autism should be covered by insurance and something needs to be done about the skyrocketing numbers that aren’t based on a new diagnostic method. (Don’t get me started on that.) Our kids are so much more than a label, so if you’re the tired, discouraged or scared mom or dad, don’t go it alone. Reach out to a support group, a friend, an online community…or me. Find an ear. There’s help out there for teens with autism, and if you’re not happy with your medical support team, look for a new one. We can only do so much alone.

Tweet
Share13
Pin
13 Shares

Filed Under: Autism Tagged With: autism awareness, autism spectrum disorder, parenting

Previous Post: « PagerTag by Beets Blu Will Help You to Never Lose Keys Again
Next Post: The Finest Hours: My Interviews With Some of the Fabulous Cast »

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recipe Rating




Primary Sidebar

Follow Us

dangerous cupcake lifestyle club 33 profile
I’m Donna, and I’m not a mommy blogger.
I’m a Marvel geek and creator of Dangerous Cupcake, a Southern California lifestyle blog dedicated to life after the kids grow up. As my four kids enter different stages of their lives, I get to do the same, having fun, loving Disney, watching Marvel, and not letting my age define anything. Phase 2 of life is pretty amazing, and midlife isn’t a bad word. Join me in changing focus and enjoying life during our next adventure, without totally starting over. However you do it, life is short, live a little dangerously.
Donna@DangerousCupcakeLifestyle.com

We are an Amazon affiliate, which means some Amazon links you click may be our affiliate links. In that case, we may make some money IF you purchase using those links or other affiliate links.
We appreciate you!

STUFF WE WRITE ABOUT

Footer

dangerouscupcakelifestyle

Gen X mom breaking the mold of midlife.
Travel. Entertainment. Food. Fun things. NASCAR.
Rancho Cucamonga | DM for collab

Donna | Southern California Lifestyle Blogger
Moet-Chandon champagne at the top of the Eiffel To Moet-Chandon champagne at the top of the Eiffel Tower? Sign me up. Our anniversary trip to Paris, France, was at the top of my bucket list and it was everything I hoped for. We did so many things, but our visit to the top of the Eiffel Tower was a highlight. 

A few things to know before you go:

There are three “stories” to the tower. All are accessible via stairs/elevator, but you have to purchase a ticket to see any. Your ticket is specific to which floors you plan to visit, so purchase carefully. Your ticket is required at each level to ascend higher.

Buy your ticket in advance. They do sell out, and lines can be long for standby. When we went, the standby line was around 70 minutes. 

It gets cold. The summit, which is the ‘top,’ is very windy. Secure your hat. In March, I wore a puffy coat and a scarf. I was still cold and wished I’d had gloves. 

At the summit, there is a champagne booth. You can purchase Moet-Chandon (in plastic flutes you can keep) to cheers the city. Also available are macarons and caviar. If they are out of macarons, you can also get them on the second story. They are good!

Unless you are in tip-top shape and/or you really feel brave, take the elevator up. Save your energy for the view or for taking the stairs down, which is what we did. The elevators coming down can be delayed, so if you’re in a rush, descending via the stairs may just be faster or at least break even.

There are two restaurants and a bar. Both restaurants require reservations. The Jules Verne is very high-end and books up months in advance. (We were not able to get a reservation despite trying quite a while ago.) 

Security is very, well, secure. You and your items will go through searches similar to the airport. They have a bin next to the entry full of things they took — SO many butter knives, and I still have no idea why someone would have one on their person?

It’s beautiful, so take your time. It’s incredible. Do it.

#paris #france @toureiffelofficielle #eiffeltower #eiffeltowerparis #travelblogger #travel #parisfrance #parislove @moetchandon #champagne #frenchchampagne #parisview #paristour
Disneyland Paris is celebrating its 30th anniversa Disneyland Paris is celebrating its 30th anniversary this year, and walking through the gates for our first visit was amazing. Also amazing: the Phantom Mansion. It has a lot of similarities to our Haunted Mansion here in California, but with a scarier spin. And for those who frequent the HM here in Anaheim, you know how often it stops mid-ride. This one didn’t stop once! It also creeped me out, and I LOVED it. The outside has shades of the Bates Motel and doesn’t have the cute factor of Disneyland California. Newer and more cleanly laid out, this whole park is pretty amazing. More info coming here and on the blog soon. Still gathering photos and putting away/distributing souvenirs. 

@disneylandparis #disneylandparis #disneyparis #disneylandparis30 #paris #parisfrance #paristravel #disneyfrance #phantommansion #hauntedmansion #disneylandparisresort #disneylandrides #genxblogger #genx #paristravel #paristrip #disneymoms #disneymom #disneylandparis2023 #france #francetravel #francedisneyland #disneytravel #travelblogger #travelblog #disneyblog #disneylandparis30thanniversary
A day in the French countryside is the stuff dream A day in the French countryside is the stuff dream vacations are made of. We drove two hours to Chablis, with new friends from Austin (private tour groups are the best!) and visited several wineries. Full confession: we tapped out early. ALL of us. So much wine. I should be embarrassed by that…maybe…but I’m not. We had an amazing French cuisine me lunch mid-day, where we enjoyed more wine. I’ll share lunch photos later. 

You save and plan so much for international travel, you need to try and relax and enjoy it. Not always easy, especially if your tour guide is sleepy or there are protests blocking the airport entry the day before you leave, but this pic kind of exemplifies our adventure. Go as far as you can. Do things you love. Be silly. And appreciate your partner’s goofy photo poses. 😆 Most of all, have fun. And drink wine. 

@jeanmarcbrocard #chablis #france #paris #parisvacation #paristrip #paristravel #midlife #midlifeblogger #winetasting #winelover #winetravel #chabliswine #chablisfrance #francetravel #francetravels #winetrip #frenchwine #frenchwineries #frenchwinery #chabliswinetour #winetourism #winetours #winetouring #francewine #jeanmarcbrocard #vineyard #frenchvineyard #vineyardviews #frenchchablis #blogger
That time, not long ago, that I spent my birthday That time, not long ago, that I spent my birthday feeding the giraffes. Bucket list ✅

Do the things you dream of. Wear the silly ears. Giggle like a kid. 

Life is way too short. There are only so many days to do all those things you’ve wanted to do. Make those memories. 

And feed the giraffes. This event is a private add-on when you visit the park. Reservations are required in advance. Worth every single penny….and I can’t wait to do it again.

#giraffes #feedthegiraffes #sandiegowildanimalpark #wildanimal #wildanimalpark #sandiego #visitsandiego #sandiegotravel #travelblogger #travelblog #midlifeblogger #midlifebloggers #midlife #californiatravel #sandiegotravel #giraffelover #giraffeears @sdzsafaripark #sandiegozoosafaripark #zoosafari #zoosafaripark #sandiegosafaripark
Shuri was out on a walk with Dad, but for Lady Sif Shuri was out on a walk with Dad, but for Lady Sif, patience is a work in progress. This is how our goofy but lovable big girl waited for her turn.

And yes, kids grow up so we dote on the pups now. Why not? Lots of rescues available out there waiting for forever homes! 

#labrador #labradorretriever #labradorpuppy #labradorretrieverpuppy #labpuppy #ladysif #twomarvelousdogs #shuri #marvel #dogtraining #sillydog #dogvideo #dogsofinsta #dogsofinstagram #blep #derpy #dogtongue #puppytongue #midlife #midlifewomen #midlifeblogger #dog #dogvideo #dogreel #instadog
The recipe for that deliciousness is below! After The recipe for that deliciousness is below! After an overindulgent holiday season…and a whole lot of excuses…I’ve finally been working on adding more protein into my diet to drop a few pounds before we head to Paris next week. One of my favorite meals — or meal replacement, call it what you will — is a protein shake. They can be made in so many ways, all depending on what basics you have on hand. I try to keep mine simple, using whatever fruit I have in the drawer. Right now, thanks to Melissa’s Produce, I have Ojai Pixie tangerines to enjoy, so I decided to craft a super easy protein smoothie. I feel full, it gives me a protein boost and I only have to clean out the blender. Easy peasy.

Ojai Pixie Protein Smoothie

1 frozen banana
1/2 cup ice
1 scoop of protein powder
1/3 cup Greek yogurt
1 cup almond milk 
1/2 tsp vanilla
2 Ojai Pixies tangerines, peeled and sectioned

Blend in a powerful blender and serve with a fatty straw. If you don’t puree it, you’ll have some little chunks of citrus that will clog a regular straw, but for me, that makes it even better. 

Thick, cold, chunky, tangy citrus perfection. Grab some Ojai Pixie Tangerines soon! They’re only available through early June! 

@melissasproduce #melissasproduce #ojaipixietangerines #ojaipixies #tangerine #tangerines #tangerinerecipe #proteinshake #proteinsmoothie #proteinrecipes #proteinfood #proteinrecipe #mealreplacement #mealreplacementshake #breakfastrecipe @ninjakitchen #ninjablender #blender #blendershake #proteinpowder #citrus #citrusrecipes
Load More... Follow on Instagram
Life is short, so it should never be boring. Dangerous Cupcake Lifestyle is all about enjoying life, specifically midlife, finding yourself after your kids grow up and above all, keeping it real. Live dangerously. We'd love to hear from you -- let's work together!

Copyright © 2023 Dangerous Cupcake and Thunderbolt Social Media

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.Accept Read More
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT