• Home
  • About Us
  • Work With Us
  • Social Media News
  • Privacy & Terms
  • Thunderbolt Social Media
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer

Dangerous Cupcake Lifestyle

  • Entertainment
  • Travel
  • Food & Wine
    • Wine
    • Cupcakes
  • Disney & Marvel
    • Disney
    • Marvel
  • Crafts, Cars & Cool Things
    • Crafts
    • Cars
    • Dogs
    • Cool Things
    • Technology
  • Home & Life
You are here: Home / Lifestyle / Adult Bullying: What Is Bullying Anyway?

Adult Bullying: What Is Bullying Anyway?

August 1, 2019 By Donna Biroczky 3 Comments

Tweet
Share101
Pin3
104 Shares

Adult bullying is a real thing, but with the word bully thrown around so casually anymore, what is bullying anyway? Let’s talk about it, as well as our responsibility in stopping others from being bullied. The victim isn’t in the wrong, and it’s on ALL of us to own our part in letting the bullying epidemic continue. Because of my personal experience, and how I saw people I used to respect handle it or ignore it — or talk about it — I decided to make lemonade out of lemons and write a series to help people realize that bullying isn’t just locking someone in their locker or calling them names. It’s so much more, and it’s all 100% avoidable.

Part One in a Series About Adult Bullying

Today we’ll talk about bullying in a very broad perspective, but stay tuned for further posts later to talk about what we can do to move forward if we’re being bullied, improving communication and resolution tactics, how to handle workplace bullying situations, bullies amongst family members as well as bullying resources and info from the experts! The stories I’ve received from my friends in all walks of life — male and female, stay-at-home parents, employees, business owners, major industry professionals of all types, teenagers, etc. — are too impactful to try and cram it all into just a couple of posts, so be sure to return later for more information. This is an open dialogue for all of us to come together as a community, big or small, and learn from and support each other!

Let’s start with the definition of a bully (noun): a person who is habitually cruel, insulting or threatening to others in an attempt to dominate or intimidate. Victims are typically seen as someone who is weak or vulnerable. Victims may have something the bully wants.

What is the definition of bullying (verb): the act of treating someone in a cruel, insulting, threatening or aggressive fashion repeatedly, or to attempt to cause someone to do something by means of force of coercion.

A bully is usually thought of as a child or teenager who acts out because they are jealous of someone, insecure or unhappy. Thing is though, many adults have regressed into that behavior, so when we think of bullies, we can’t overlook the fact that there is a lot of adult bullying going on out there and a lot of adults being bullied. In a world full of attempts to right social wrongs, adult bullies are thriving.

In short, bullying is intentional behavior designed to hurt someone physically, emotionally or mentally.

More importantly though, it’s important to understand that bullying is widely agreed to be a subset of even worse behavior: aggressive behavior characterized by hostile intent, imbalance of power and repetition, and bullies are nearly twice as likely to have a mental health disorder.

What do I need to know about adult bullying?

There’s a LOT you need to know about bullying, because chances are, someone you know is being bullied and you’ve either ignored it or played into it by laughing with the bully, liking their inappropriate behavior on social media or quietly backed away rather than supported the victim. Or you’ve been the victim of it yourself, all of this possibly sub-consciously. We may not even know.

There are several kinds of bullies out there and we’ll get into that more in a later post, along with real examples of bullying, what to look for, and how to know if you or someone else is being bullied. For now, read this adult bullying article for a quick outline.

Bullying is not about you. At all. It’s about the bully. They are frequently insecure, may have been bullied as a child, are unhappy and they may be envious of something you have.

Many adult victims are told to “just get over it. “

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

“They’ll stop if you ignore them.”

“What, is this high school again? Who cares what they <say, do>?”

“Just deal with it, it’s just a <hug, nasty comment, lie>.”

Or, a personal favorite?

“Better you than me!”

Frequently, adults will hear the same trite “they will stop if you ignore it” comments we tell children. We’ve learned though that this type of response doesn’t work when dealing with certain types of bullies, particularly those with mental disorders, including narcissism.

While that’s all dismissive of what the person is going through, it’s also playing into the bullying and ramping up your victim status, and being the victim gives the bully more power. It also encourages them to get more brazen, because they’re getting you to react. Even just tolerating sends a message.

Dealing with an adult bully is tricky. If we do nothing, we are seen as complacent, afraid, intimidated or weak. If we respond, the bully often twists the story and appears to make the victim appear to be the problem. Make no mistake, the bully’s goal, consciously or subconsciously, is for you to be wrong. Once you realize that, you can stop trying to change their mind and remind yourself that the problem is NOT you.

Bullying sometimes comes about as a result of an issue, but healthy adults get over issues and move on. Healthy adults don’t nurse grudges and continue to expend time and energy on upsetting others. Healthy adults don’t ruin their own experience by spending their time trying to ruin it for others. Healthy adults speak up and move on, rather than engaging in passive-aggressive behavior. Remember this.

Before we break it down and get into adult bullying in detail, in posts where I share facts, details, statistics and resources, I can’t stress enough that we do not need to be friendly or tolerant. Nothing in any definition of the word professional can be construed that we have to be friendly or tolerant. Instead, professionalism means doing our work, doing it properly, and not disrupting the event for others. Professional does not mean we hug, pretend to be friends or tolerate lies, name calling or disparaging commentary. Be kind, be courteous, and be the kind of person who you want to work with.

If we’ve learned anything from today’s political environment, it’s that we do not touch other people without consent, and if someone says “do not touch me,” we respect their request.

Bullies love to be in control, and they want to make the rules. They want to tell you how to behave, and honestly, nothing you do or say will be ‘right.’ Hugging to ‘keep the peace’ is allowing them to control you, and in a horrible way: unwanted physical touch. In all my years of working in marketing, social media, and even the mental health field and military, I was not required to say hello to anyone other than a patient or a client. IF I choose to, fabulous, but typically, I’m not sitting down at a table or a meeting with someone who has attempted to bully me, and quite frankly, I’m not doing it now. (Clarification: I will always do my work and sit where I need to sit to do it, but I’m also allowed to protect myself, physically and mentally, from bullying behavior, as well as those with me.)

So what do you do if it’s a co-worker? We’ll talk about that later, but for now, suffice it to say you do your work, you enjoy it, you don’t let anyone else’s behavior change yours. Never let someone else damage your work reputation, your business or your own happiness. There are ways to live normally and unaffected. More on all of that in a later post, because a few of you told me about co-workers or colleagues, and in some cases, supervisors that are bullying you.

This post about adult bullying is the first in a series about bullies, what they are, how to handle them, and what we can do as a community to stop bullies. I’ll also be sharing stories that people have shared with me in order for me to use in this series. The things I’ve learned in this very short period of research is scarily illuminating, and I hope that I can encourage others to speak up. Stop tolerating bullying behavior. You don’t need to make a scene, but you can disengage. You can speak up for a victim. You can understand why someone doesn’t want to listen to disparaging comments about themselves, why people are in control of their personal space, and why allowing others to control our behavior can be safely avoided in order to enjoy life to the fullest.

In a future blog post, I’m going to talk about how we can ensure we aren’t the ‘weak or vulnerable’ prey that a bully seeks. (If you’re only here to see who I talk about, you may want to click away now, because I haven’t talked gossip about people yet, and I won’t start now. One bad behavior isn’t excuse for another.) I’ll also talk about how we can help each other, how we can really show support for bully victims and why looking the other way is the wrong thing to do in most cases. (And don’t worry, we’ve all done it!) I’ll wrap it all up what I hope to do in the future to help stop adult bullying on a large scale and how I hope to help others.

Being bullied is something many people want to hide, but when the victim of a bully hasn’t done anything wrong, they need to stop hiding. There’s no shame when the other person or people are the bullies, because no one asks to be bullied. Let’s shine light on this topic and make change instead of leaving it for someone else to do.

Join me in taking back our power. If you’ve been bullied or have comments and thoughts about it, please reply below or email me at donna@dangerouscupcakelifestyle.com. All commentary shared in my series will be anonymous. (And I am not an attorney so I will be sharing no legal advice. If you are in an unsafe relationship or situation, please seek out the help of authorities.)

I hope you keep reading. This is just a wide descriptive beginning of what we can do together.

Tweet
Share101
Pin3
104 Shares

Filed Under: Lifestyle Tagged With: bullies, bullying

Previous Post: « New Jurassic World The Ride Open in Hollywood
Next Post: New Halloween Maze at This Year’s Queen Mary Dark Harbor »

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Carolyn Gladden

    January 21, 2021 at 3:54 pm

    An Adult in power is bullying a 36 year old female Adult at 74 Cleburne park rd .
    Heber springs , ar.

    Reply
  2. Renee

    July 25, 2021 at 6:46 am

    My husband bullied me for years and now has turned my children against me and pulls them in his bully tactics and acts. It’s a firm if abuse and I pray the courts see light to this. This form of abuse is beyond repair and it will continue until the bully hats exposed.

    Reply
  3. Renee

    July 25, 2021 at 6:47 am

    My husband bullied me for years and now has turned my children against me and pulls them in his bully tactics and acts. It’s a form of abuse and I pray the courts see light to this. This form of abuse is beyond repair and it will continue until the bully has exposed.

    Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recipe Rating




Primary Sidebar

Follow Us

dangerous cupcake lifestyle club 33 profile
I’m Donna, and I’m not a mommy blogger.
I’m a Marvel geek and creator of Dangerous Cupcake, a Southern California lifestyle blog dedicated to life after the kids grow up. As my four kids enter different stages of their lives, I get to do the same, having fun, loving Disney, watching Marvel, and not letting my age define anything. Phase 2 of life is pretty amazing, and midlife isn’t a bad word. Join me in changing focus and enjoying life during our next adventure, without totally starting over. However you do it, life is short, live a little dangerously.
Donna@DangerousCupcakeLifestyle.com

We are an Amazon affiliate, which means some Amazon links you click may be our affiliate links. In that case, we may make some money IF you purchase using those links or other affiliate links.
We appreciate you!

STUFF WE WRITE ABOUT

Footer

dangerouscupcakelifestyle

Gen X mom breaking the mold of midlife.
Travel. Entertainment. Food. Fun things. NASCAR.
Rancho Cucamonga | DM for collab

Donna | Southern California Lifestyle Blogger
Moet-Chandon champagne at the top of the Eiffel To Moet-Chandon champagne at the top of the Eiffel Tower? Sign me up. Our anniversary trip to Paris, France, was at the top of my bucket list and it was everything I hoped for. We did so many things, but our visit to the top of the Eiffel Tower was a highlight. 

A few things to know before you go:

There are three “stories” to the tower. All are accessible via stairs/elevator, but you have to purchase a ticket to see any. Your ticket is specific to which floors you plan to visit, so purchase carefully. Your ticket is required at each level to ascend higher.

Buy your ticket in advance. They do sell out, and lines can be long for standby. When we went, the standby line was around 70 minutes. 

It gets cold. The summit, which is the ‘top,’ is very windy. Secure your hat. In March, I wore a puffy coat and a scarf. I was still cold and wished I’d had gloves. 

At the summit, there is a champagne booth. You can purchase Moet-Chandon (in plastic flutes you can keep) to cheers the city. Also available are macarons and caviar. If they are out of macarons, you can also get them on the second story. They are good!

Unless you are in tip-top shape and/or you really feel brave, take the elevator up. Save your energy for the view or for taking the stairs down, which is what we did. The elevators coming down can be delayed, so if you’re in a rush, descending via the stairs may just be faster or at least break even.

There are two restaurants and a bar. Both restaurants require reservations. The Jules Verne is very high-end and books up months in advance. (We were not able to get a reservation despite trying quite a while ago.) 

Security is very, well, secure. You and your items will go through searches similar to the airport. They have a bin next to the entry full of things they took — SO many butter knives, and I still have no idea why someone would have one on their person?

It’s beautiful, so take your time. It’s incredible. Do it.

#paris #france @toureiffelofficielle #eiffeltower #eiffeltowerparis #travelblogger #travel #parisfrance #parislove @moetchandon #champagne #frenchchampagne #parisview #paristour
Disneyland Paris is celebrating its 30th anniversa Disneyland Paris is celebrating its 30th anniversary this year, and walking through the gates for our first visit was amazing. Also amazing: the Phantom Mansion. It has a lot of similarities to our Haunted Mansion here in California, but with a scarier spin. And for those who frequent the HM here in Anaheim, you know how often it stops mid-ride. This one didn’t stop once! It also creeped me out, and I LOVED it. The outside has shades of the Bates Motel and doesn’t have the cute factor of Disneyland California. Newer and more cleanly laid out, this whole park is pretty amazing. More info coming here and on the blog soon. Still gathering photos and putting away/distributing souvenirs. 

@disneylandparis #disneylandparis #disneyparis #disneylandparis30 #paris #parisfrance #paristravel #disneyfrance #phantommansion #hauntedmansion #disneylandparisresort #disneylandrides #genxblogger #genx #paristravel #paristrip #disneymoms #disneymom #disneylandparis2023 #france #francetravel #francedisneyland #disneytravel #travelblogger #travelblog #disneyblog #disneylandparis30thanniversary
A day in the French countryside is the stuff dream A day in the French countryside is the stuff dream vacations are made of. We drove two hours to Chablis, with new friends from Austin (private tour groups are the best!) and visited several wineries. Full confession: we tapped out early. ALL of us. So much wine. I should be embarrassed by that…maybe…but I’m not. We had an amazing French cuisine me lunch mid-day, where we enjoyed more wine. I’ll share lunch photos later. 

You save and plan so much for international travel, you need to try and relax and enjoy it. Not always easy, especially if your tour guide is sleepy or there are protests blocking the airport entry the day before you leave, but this pic kind of exemplifies our adventure. Go as far as you can. Do things you love. Be silly. And appreciate your partner’s goofy photo poses. 😆 Most of all, have fun. And drink wine. 

@jeanmarcbrocard #chablis #france #paris #parisvacation #paristrip #paristravel #midlife #midlifeblogger #winetasting #winelover #winetravel #chabliswine #chablisfrance #francetravel #francetravels #winetrip #frenchwine #frenchwineries #frenchwinery #chabliswinetour #winetourism #winetours #winetouring #francewine #jeanmarcbrocard #vineyard #frenchvineyard #vineyardviews #frenchchablis #blogger
That time, not long ago, that I spent my birthday That time, not long ago, that I spent my birthday feeding the giraffes. Bucket list ✅

Do the things you dream of. Wear the silly ears. Giggle like a kid. 

Life is way too short. There are only so many days to do all those things you’ve wanted to do. Make those memories. 

And feed the giraffes. This event is a private add-on when you visit the park. Reservations are required in advance. Worth every single penny….and I can’t wait to do it again.

#giraffes #feedthegiraffes #sandiegowildanimalpark #wildanimal #wildanimalpark #sandiego #visitsandiego #sandiegotravel #travelblogger #travelblog #midlifeblogger #midlifebloggers #midlife #californiatravel #sandiegotravel #giraffelover #giraffeears @sdzsafaripark #sandiegozoosafaripark #zoosafari #zoosafaripark #sandiegosafaripark
Shuri was out on a walk with Dad, but for Lady Sif Shuri was out on a walk with Dad, but for Lady Sif, patience is a work in progress. This is how our goofy but lovable big girl waited for her turn.

And yes, kids grow up so we dote on the pups now. Why not? Lots of rescues available out there waiting for forever homes! 

#labrador #labradorretriever #labradorpuppy #labradorretrieverpuppy #labpuppy #ladysif #twomarvelousdogs #shuri #marvel #dogtraining #sillydog #dogvideo #dogsofinsta #dogsofinstagram #blep #derpy #dogtongue #puppytongue #midlife #midlifewomen #midlifeblogger #dog #dogvideo #dogreel #instadog
The recipe for that deliciousness is below! After The recipe for that deliciousness is below! After an overindulgent holiday season…and a whole lot of excuses…I’ve finally been working on adding more protein into my diet to drop a few pounds before we head to Paris next week. One of my favorite meals — or meal replacement, call it what you will — is a protein shake. They can be made in so many ways, all depending on what basics you have on hand. I try to keep mine simple, using whatever fruit I have in the drawer. Right now, thanks to Melissa’s Produce, I have Ojai Pixie tangerines to enjoy, so I decided to craft a super easy protein smoothie. I feel full, it gives me a protein boost and I only have to clean out the blender. Easy peasy.

Ojai Pixie Protein Smoothie

1 frozen banana
1/2 cup ice
1 scoop of protein powder
1/3 cup Greek yogurt
1 cup almond milk 
1/2 tsp vanilla
2 Ojai Pixies tangerines, peeled and sectioned

Blend in a powerful blender and serve with a fatty straw. If you don’t puree it, you’ll have some little chunks of citrus that will clog a regular straw, but for me, that makes it even better. 

Thick, cold, chunky, tangy citrus perfection. Grab some Ojai Pixie Tangerines soon! They’re only available through early June! 

@melissasproduce #melissasproduce #ojaipixietangerines #ojaipixies #tangerine #tangerines #tangerinerecipe #proteinshake #proteinsmoothie #proteinrecipes #proteinfood #proteinrecipe #mealreplacement #mealreplacementshake #breakfastrecipe @ninjakitchen #ninjablender #blender #blendershake #proteinpowder #citrus #citrusrecipes
Load More... Follow on Instagram
Life is short, so it should never be boring. Dangerous Cupcake Lifestyle is all about enjoying life, specifically midlife, finding yourself after your kids grow up and above all, keeping it real. Live dangerously. We'd love to hear from you -- let's work together!

Copyright © 2023 Dangerous Cupcake and Thunderbolt Social Media

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.Accept Read More
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
Non-necessary
Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.
SAVE & ACCEPT